I am now sitting on my sofa resisting the urge to rock back and forth going ‘aargh aargh how do I deal with this?! Aargh’.
So, tonight I used a couple of divination techniques to try and find out whether or not Freyja is trying to get my attention. I actually put a lot of effort into this compared to my usual tarot readings which are very laid-back and low-key. Usually I just put on what I refer to as my ‘tarot CD’, lay out the cloth, shuffle, spread, interpret, make notes, put everything away. But as I was reading cards and drawing runes with questions regarding Deity (which I’ve never done before) I thought I’d better do some extra prep.
To start with I had a shower and washed my hair, which is a normal Friday night activity for me, but as I’d been planning to do this divination today also meant I had the phrase ‘ritual bathing’ floating around in my head. So there was a purification aspect, somewhat increased by the fact I was using different shower gel – I’d run out of my usual teatree and was using one a friend bought me for Christmas about a year ago from Lush called ‘Happy Happy’, so I was surrounded by citrus and grapefruit which are the scents I prefer for my household cleaning products. I then braided my hair (still damp), changed into my nightclothes (comfortable and have cats on), and put on perfume as I’d been on a shopping trip to Penhaligon’s yesterday and a) wanted to open my bottle of Levantium and b) thought that if Freyja was calling me then wearing a scent that makes me feel female and attractive would be appropreate, considering the aspect of her that’s been pinging at my brain recently.
I set up the dining table for divination, with my ‘scrying statue’ that has ended up with a whole story behind it, Mediaeval Cat tarot deck (it’s the most Freyja-appropreate one I’ve got) and reading cloth, runes and rune-casting cloth, incense, gemstones, my Freyja-as-Valkyrie figurine, a notebook and pen, and I also remembered to wear the necklace I bought specifically to wear for ritual and similar things (which I totally forgot to do for Imbolc).
I started by lighting the candle held in the statue’s scrying bowl, lighting the incense and offering it to ‘that aspect of Deity avatarised by Freyja’, and drinking the salt water in my chalice left over from the Imbolc ritual (time for more purification!). I jotted down the questions I wanted answers to in the notebook, decided to use my tarot cards first, shuffled the deck while meditating on the topic, and cut the deck ready to turn over the top card. Here’s what I dealt:
Is Freyja trying to talk to me? King of Wands
Wands is the suit of passion, fire, will, and I got the impression of warmth as well. King cards represent authority over the suit’s aspects, so a figure who oversees or controls those things. Freyja’s most well known as the goddess of sex and love, so I’m going to go with a tentative ‘yes’.
(Note: for this I dealt one card at a time, interpreted it, then dealt the next one)
If yes, what do I do next? Temperance reversed
Don’t be temperate! Go with the flow, stop trying to make the waters still. Jump in at the deep end and avoid moderation.
I then reshuffled the deck and pulled a clarifying card for Temperance rx
Clarifier – Eight of Cups
Represents emotional longing and dissatisfaction. The figure on the card is tipping a tray of cups into a well, so I could be throwing away my emotional side and needing to embrace reversed Temperance because my emotions are dropping away. Which kinda ties in with my current relationships – after my last boyfriend dumped me I’ve avoided getting emotionally close to anyone like the plague, so I’ve been taking advantage of the fact that a fair few of my friends are polyamorous (and apparently find me attractive).
Ok, this makes sense and I can handle that. It’s not necessarily going to be a breeze to do, but it would explain why I got the feeling of ‘this would be good for you’ when I read about my Freyja cord in Beth’s shop. I could have left it at that (which would have meant no flailing), but I had another set of questions and wanted to use my runes as well as tarot cards as they are very much a Norse thing. I’m nowhere near good or confident enough to cast runes, so I decided to draw them out of a bag instead. Out of the blue Melissa Zupan recently gifted me with a bag made by her current High Priestess, which I was going to use to keep tarot cards in but looks like it’s going to be my rune bag now. Borrowing a technique used by Marietta I put a piece of clear quartz in the bag, shook it gently in my left hand, thought about my question, and drew a rune with my right hand. So far so good. I then spent the next few minutes moving between my dining table and the sofa (as my rune book still hasn’t appeared and I was making very heavy use of Melissa’s posts on the runes she made while working through her 366 project to interpret them) with a feeling of
mild panic slowly rising.
Is Freyja calling me? Eihwaz – yew
A rune of protection, domestic warmth, and energy carrying. It’s associated with Yggdrasil and can be seen as a bridging rune – bringing energy and linking opposites. Humans and gods are about as opposite as you can get, and feeling their energies is (from what I’ve read) one way to tell if a particualr deity is close by. The link with Yggdrasil suggests a need to look at the root of the matter and the connections between things, and considering my interpretation of the cards I got and the sudden influx of ‘look at the Freyja things’ recently meant I read this as another ‘yes’.
Ok, did not expect that, small amount of worry appearing…
Is Freyja offering me something? Sowilo – sun
A rune of illumination, guidance, clarification, enlightenment, hope, and inner light.
Fairly self-explanatory, but again unexpected (a sense of ‘why bother with me?’).
What do I do next? Halgalaz – hail
Stands for creation, destruction, patterns, and microcosm in macrocosm. It can be seen as the cosmic blending of fire and ice (hail stings like sparks), and can be a double-edged sword. This one confused me, but Melissa offers interpretations of needing to understand the situation you’re in in order to take action, and the heads-up of change is coming, so be aware.
As before, I wasn’t too sure how to translate this into suggestions for what to do next, so I drew a clarifying rune, and really wished I hadn’t…
Clarifying rune: Gebo – gift
Pretty much all of this is either paraphrased or lifted straight from Melissa’s post:
Meanings are: generosity, exchange, independence/dependence, marriage, equitable/inequitable. Gifting brings credit and honour, the gifter gains these qualities while the giftee gets estate and substance. There are different types of gift, such as sacrificial gifting, or an exchange where gifts are in balance. Giving is noble but can be soured by unwillingness, as generousity is good but should come from the heart. One should consider all implications of a gift both given and recieved, as it can also indicate a union, partnership, contract, agreement, or alliance.
So put gifts, Freyja, and drastic change together under the heading of ‘what should I do now?’ had me sat there mentally flailing with a voice in my head screaming ‘I don’t know how to handle this!’. So I reshuffled my tarot deck and drew an overall clarifier:
Is this a good idea? Ace of Coins
I hate pulling Aces in tarot. I find them really hard to interpret, but thankfully my tarot reference book of awesome came to the rescue. Sort of.
The Ace is the seed, the starting point, an opportunity, and Coins are related to health, wealth, practicality, and recieving. Suggested meanings are to appreciate what’s given, the perfect gift at the perfect time, and to be aware that when opportunity comes your way you should take advantage of it as something offered can always be withdrawn.
In a way I can’t complain. I asked questions, asked for advice relating to those questions, clarified those answers, and unless I’m completely misinterpreting the answers (seriously, am I misinterpreting the answers?) I have some pretty clear guidelines as to what I could do next regarding the situation. I’m glad I did this in a way, because the Freyja-pings were bugging/intriguing me, but right now most of me is wishing I hadn’t, because I did not expect these answers, do not know how to handle this, and could really use some help on how to deal with what’s just been dropped in my lap. Because I have a feeling that ignoring it may not be the best of ideas for me in the long-term…