And breathe…

Ok, I’ve calmed down a bit since I did that tarot and rune reading regarding whether Freyja was trying to get my attention or not. I’d actually calmed down to around this level by the Sunday afterwards, but I haven’t had the time to sit down, organise my thoughts, and write a proper post about it until now.

The lovely Ember over at the Vanic Conspiracy has been offering me a lot of advice, which I’m very grateful for as she’s given me some very good pointers as to where to start. I emailled Ember just after I posted my rune and tarot readings, and her replies were what really calmed me down. The first thing she told me to do was breathe, as my brain had been running in a hamster wheel, and the second thing was that jumping in the deep end would be the best way forward considering the cards I got, but that I should ‘dive in relative to how you usually do things’. Ember also said that Freyja does respect boundaries and tends to be fairly gentle with new seekers, which also took a fair weight off my mind as I’ve got a certain amount of fear regarding taking steps in a new direction as far as my spiritual path goes.

So I did the Vixxia version of jumping in at the deep end. Last Tuesday I stopped off at my local metaphysical shop (which is now definitely local as opposed to being up in town) and picked up teo red candles and a couple of sticks of amber incense. Eventually I’m hoping to get solid-coloured red beeswax candles instead of the overdipped paraffin ones, but that will have to wait until I get paid this month. So my altar is now slightly Freyja-ified with red altar candles as standard rather than white and I’ve started making offerings to Her, mostly incense. After I’d put the candles up and lit the first stick of incense I sat in front of my altar and talked to Freyja. Most of it was pauses, ums, and me feeling nervous, but it’s a start. I explained how this was all new and scary territory to me, how I was very surprised and grateful for the attention, and to bear with me while I got used to this whole thing. Not much I agree, but it’s a start.

IMG_2872
The latest incarnation of my altar, with Freyja candles and an incense offering.

Ember also suggested that ‘if dressing up a bit more often is on the table, consider acquiring or making a Freyja necklace that, when you wear it, you feel beautiful, and you are reminded of Freyja. Wearing it can itself be an offering’. Which works well with what I think is one of the things Freyja’s trying to teach me, which is to do with my lack of self-esteem and how I see myself. I’m an archaeologist, so my work outfit is neither flattering or attractive – layers, combat trousers, clothes that are comfortable and that I can move easily in. So I’ve never felt beautiful or even pretty while at work, and feeling unattractive for five days out of every seven hasn’t done anything for my confidence in my own looks. Now while I could try my hand at making my own necklace, I know that no necklace I make will look that good, and as Beth is the first person I think of when it comes to Deity-related jewellery, checking her shop was an obvious next step. And then I did divination and bought jewellery.

Unfortunately, due to a variety of factors including tiredness and mood on Valentine’s Day I never did get around to wrapping myself in my Freyja cord and meditating, but I’m hoping that will either happen tonight or tomorrow evening. Baby steps, but I can now say I have a budding devotional relationship with Freyja. Eep!

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