My ladder arrived today!

Sort of. It showed up at the parents’ on Tuesday (it’s easier for me to get parcels sent to there than here) but I only picked it up today. Which worked quite well from my point of view as Fridays are the days I light incense for Freyja, so I got to sit in front of my altar with the scent of amber, rose, and chocolate wafting round me and unwrap the parcel. As ever, Beth’s goods arrive padded and wrapped in tissue paper so there’s this sense of anticipation and excitement as each layer comes off, and then the joy of lifting whatever it is out of the organza bag. Even before I opened it, my first thought on holding the bundle was ‘that’s heavier than I expected’, although I have no idea why – my lapis lazuli mediaeval rosary is a lot heavier than any of my others, and I knew that Beth had made most of the ladder out of gemstones… But oh it’s pretty! The one thing that the pictures in the listing hadn’t been able to show was how much the ceramic pendant shines – in the photos it’s possible to see that it’s glazed in the closeups, but in reality it gleams however you hold it. Passing the beads through my fingers, from the dragonfly to the wing, felt a bit odd as I’m used to using round gemstone beads rather than faceted ones, but when I reread what Beth had written about each of the stones she used I realised that the faceted ones, which felt rougher under my fingertips, were the areas I found hardest to deal with. Here’s what Beth says:

Dragonflies are useful allies in dreamwork, enchantment, and achieving clarity, and are sacred to Freyja. Garnet is a gemstone talisman of strength, security, and vitality. Strawberry quartz aids in amplifying intentions of love, gratitude, and generosity, and can assist in attracting a soul mate. Tiger eye enhances integrity, willpower, self-confidence, and personal power. Amber assists with protection and healing, clears negative energy, and assists with manifestation. Red quartz enhances emotional healing and promotes union with the divine.

I said in my previous post that the stones fitted neatly into why Freyja’s entered my life, and without going into details I’ve come to realise over the past couple of months that it’s because I have problems with my self-esteem, how I look in the mirror, how I react to compliments (disbelief), and a whole range of issues stemming from being sexually harrassed and suchlike, and She feels I need fixing. Which I do. Anyway, the only smooth-feeling beads in my witches’ ladder are the red quartz hearts and the garnets, with the ‘roughest’-feeling ones are the tigers-eye and amber, with strawberry quartz in the middle. And what do I have the most trouble with? Self-confidence, feeling personally powerful, negative thoughts, depression from being dumped, not really believing that people with a romantic/physical interest in me actually care about me, etc. I love how the beads that make my fingers ‘think’ more represent the areas of my emotional life that I need to work on the most.

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I would have taken my own photo to show you, but my ladder is draped round my neck as I type and I don’t really want to take it off. So here’s a photo Beth took instead.

Now I am the first person to admit I can’t sense energy in things, so I don’t know whether I’m actually starting to develop some energy-sensing skills, or whether it was a mix of the incense, flickering candles, and tiredness, but when I had these beads wrapped round my right hand I got a feeling of warmth that had nothing to do with temperature. It was comforting, with a vague sense of ‘this will help/is help’. I had my Freyja spirit talisman wrapped round my left hand at the same time and felt nothing on that side, so as an experiment I swapped them round, and holy crap I actually felt the difference. I’m lefthanded, so according to most people my projective hand is my left, and my right is receptive, meaning I’m more likely to feel things with my non-dominant hand. And, for once, I actually did. Where my ladder felt warm and sort of close, the talisman felt more… distant isn’t really the word, seperate maybe? And when I concentrated there was this feeling of power, which makes sense, seeing as since I got it my spirit talisman has always felt like it belongs to Freyja instead of me, and She’s letting me use it. But yeah, actually got a feeling off an object. Two objects. It was really weird.

Oh, and the red quartz hearts? I was amused to find when I first ran the ladder through my fingers that even though they’re a lot bigger they’re incredibly similar in physical feel to the glass hearts that make up my Dominican rosary that I’ve used since about 2006 (just not with Catholic prayers or meditations). I was assuming that ‘union with the divine’ meant with Freyja, but this near-identical feel and the way my fingers automatically made the same motion over the surface of the bead makes me wonder whether it’s union with the divine in general, instead of/as well as union with one particular Deity.

And it’s now technically Saturday morning. But, as I haven’t gone to bed yet and the sun hasn’t come up it still feels like Friday night. However, I should really go to bed as I’ve had a physically exhausting week at work and a long list of Things To Do tomorrow (Saturday). Night!

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