Autumn has finally arrived! I don’t know why, but it’s only in the last week or so that any of the trees near me have started to turn. But they seem to have done so all at once – I saw a gorgeous array of russets and oranges and fading greens when I was driving down to see my godmother the weekend before last, and since then the trees around my building have put on their autumn finery with the Virginia Creeper climbing all over the walls a gorgeous firey red, and the ones outside my window where I’m staying away are all about halfway between summer green and autumn shades.
The weather’s also started to turn, and the days at work have been a lot colder. It doesn’t help that we’re out in Fen country, so there is bugger-all between us and Boreas. It’s getting to the stage where I’m going to have to break out the under-t-shirts, and that usually only happens around mid-late November.
I know I wrote recently that I felt like I’ve been standing on the edge of something, and I’m thinking now that some of that may have been due to Freyja trying to get my attention again. Since I first realised She was hitting me over the head to get my attention back in February there’s been a few times when I’ve spotted Her influence in my life, but apparently I’ve not been listening closely enough recently. It doesn’t help that I’m not really enjoying the site I’m on, so most of my contact with any of the Deities I worship over the past two months has been prayers to the effect of ‘please, please, please let me get a job in London again…’. Unfortunately, all the real-world actions I’ve done so far haven’t resulted in anything, but I’ll keep trying. But yeah, I’ve spent more time talking than listening, which isn’t the best of ideas when your aim is a conversation rather then a soliloquy.
When I first wondered whether Freyja was trying to talk to me way back at the end of January this year, I said ‘the likelihood of me picking up any kind of message is very low. To use a word I’ve seen used a fair bit in the Pagan areas of the internet, I don’t think I even own a godphone’. And as far as I can tell it’s still true – I don’t own a godphone. What I seem to have ended up with though is a god-answering-machine. Back in June when Kizzy was acting as my Magical Geiger Counter she had an… interesting reaction to the Freyja spirit talisman that Beth made, and in her words has ‘ended up with a second Third Eye in the palm of my left hand’. It’s come up occasionally in conversation since, generally followed by ‘much as I love you: you bitch’. So when I was chatting to her down the phone Kizzy told me that her palm has been pulsing on and off since late August/early September, getting less strong but more persistent. Along with this Kizzy has felt Freyja’s presence every now and then as well (which she definitely blames me for!), so I had her telling me ‘your Goddess says She’s thinking of you’. But the timing is interesting – Kizzy’s been getting that message since I started on this site. We had a good laugh about it, but the fact remains that Kizzy is essentially acting as relay messenger between Freyja and me. She’s just hoping that this is as far as Freyja comes into her life, as Kizzy’s a devotee of Athena and according to her ‘having one battle-goddess in my life is quite enough thank you very much’, and I’m hoping I can manage somehow to get to the stage where I can pick up my own godphone as opposed to listening to the answering-machine.
So to help towards getting to that point as well as generally upping my spiritual practices I’ve brought my runes with me as well as one of my interpretation books, and I’m planning on doing a daily rune draw at some point each evening. The last time I used them was to discover if Freyja was trying to talk to me, and they seem like a good way for Her to get in touch again, seeing as I can’t seem to pick up on anything else unless it’s delivered with repeated use of a sledgehammer.
I’ve also been attending to the other half of my spirituality, and actually using my copy of the Methodist Worship book as opposed to just reading it. I also stopped off at my local Catholic church on the way back from shopping as it’s usually open during the day, and there are times when sitting in a church outside of services is just what I need – coolness, peace and quiet (excluding the sirens going up and down the main road outside), and being in a sacred space. So while my arse may not be moving very fast it’s at least in first gear as opposed to neutral. Baby steps. Baby steps…